The Joys of Coffee Shops



interaction is a must at Cafe du Monde

I have been drinking a lot of coffee lately, but my own filters stay clean.  I meet strangers in coffee shops and make them friends through the interview process. And while I have met in some other locations - like a rural smoothie king - almost everyone is happy to meet for coffee.  And, as a newly minted cafe afficianado, I know why.

Like the internet, at a coffee shop it is easy to connect with others. The space is public and safe, and there is very little commitment in terms of money or time. People feel willing to connect - what do they have to lose? What's the worst that can happen?

Unlike the internet, one cannot be anonymous. A coffee shop is personal, maybe even cozy. People can quickly develop relationships with the baristas and with other patrons, even if the relationship is as shallow as a passing joke or a reference to the weather.

Fair Grinds, NOLA, is a great place to get work done

Frankly, that superficial relationship might be closer than many people get with their pastors and pew-neighbors. Unlike religious communities, coffee shops do not have a premise: eat muffins, drink coffee, or don't. You will not have an altar call or a conversion, you will not be expected to listen to someone preach about ancient texts. You can even plug in the laptop and work without feeling isolated; self-employed writers and designers sing the praises of coffee shops for getting out of the house and stumbling on inspiration.

Coffee shops, then, are a common ground, a neutral ground, where people can be themselves in contact with each other. With Caffeine!

That's what millennials are attracted to in community - low initial investment, low risk, high returns.

Sunday Prayer

After the week's election, I'm reminded of a prayer from Kung,

Guardian of our destiny,
bless the leaders and rulers of the nations,
that they may not covet power and glory
but act responsibly
for the welfare and peace of humankind.

 

Guide our religious communities and those set over them,
that they may not only proclaim the message of peace
but also show it in their lives.

 

And to all of us, and to those who do not worship among us,
give your grace, mercy, and all good things,
and lead us, God of the living,
on the right way to your eternal glory. Amen.

Assembly of Church

my first smoothie king interview!

My interviews continue to bear amazing fruit. Yesterday I spoke with a youth pastor for a rural Christian church who reminded me what Christian looks like, what church is for, and what Christianity can be.

First, let me make clear that there is a deep gulf between the things he believes and what I believe. I approach the bible very differently, and our visions of God vary widely. Thus, I am not on his page on a variety of moral issues (that we only brushed up against).

But since my goal is to listen, not teach or contradict, I was able to learn what someone who is committed to Christ looks like. He was open and honest, not confrontational or judgmental. He believed in the power of the Holy Spirit based on personal experiences. He committed himself to daily practices - meditation, study, prayer - that would make him more forgiving and less proud.

Here are his three goals as a youth minister, in order:
1) spend time in peoples' lives - not teaching, but just being there as a friend
2) be "an out" - a resource that can be called 24/7 for anything
3) maybe teach sometimes.

I mentioned that, in my experience and the experience of most people I've interviewed, Church is not like that. And he agreed. "We have 30 years or more of bad press to overcome, and it's our fault." He recalled pastors and Churches that were full of gossip and judgment and hate, and he had to get out. Now he is lucky to be at a place in his career that he can shape his community in his own vision:
Church as a place of healing. 

To paraphrase, "I want to teach the gospels like Jesus himself did. First he welcomed and loved. Then he healed. Only after being healed are people ready to listen to the gospels. That's when I myself listened to the gospels and committed my life to Jesus."

During the interview I caught myself remembering the good church communities I had the fortune to be involved with, and how welcoming and loving and wonderful they felt. That is a bold contrast with almost every other church I've worked with. Please, Christians, take note.

Interviews So Far

CC's on Magazine

I've been hesitant to post about the interviews, but so many people have asked, "What are people saying?" that I want to share. After nearly twenty interviews, some common threads have emerged.

If the interviews could be said to have an overarching theme, it would be the importance of relationships.

Most conversations have been with millennials - men and women born after 1984. Millennials have all been deeply interested in relationships - friends, family, networks, loved ones. They expressed this positively using words and ideas like a desire to be well remembered, trying to connect with people through art or music, being treated with respect and respecting others. They also expressed the importance of connections negatively through words like isolation, judgment, and expectations.

The few older men and women I've spoken with are split on the topic of relationships. One man did not mention relationships at all until I brought it up, and expressed that he "doesn't let anybody tell me what to do." This same man felt connected to past generations, however, with a well developed sense of reincarnation.


Fair Grinds is the most popular spot, btw



Another common topic - if only because we are meeting due to an online ad - is the relationship with the internet. Everyone valued the internet as a tool that can bring people together and develop communities, but everyone also fears the anonymity of the internet. The picture I put on Craigslist was directly responsible for many people reaching out to me who would not have otherwise.

I also noticed some very direct differences. While many respondants were goal-oriented, bringing up ideas like reaching certain accomplishments, others were more interested in flowing along, "like a river." Personally, as a goal oriented person, this surprised me. I guess I just have a goal-oriented (teleological) community around me, and had forgotten the joys of being open to the universe.

More to come soon! I have a number of unique, promising conversations scheduled this week.

Christ and Politics

Good Morning, everyone! I hope you are all registered to vote, and remember to visit the polling place on Tuesday.  I was not planning on writing a column endorsing Barack Obama over Mitt Romney, but this weekend someone said something that made my political leaning bubble over.

This election season has been a referendum on Roe V. Wade. Conservative candidates have distinguished themselves from each other by how thoroughly they would prevent abortions. Will there be exceptions in the case of rape, incest, or the life of the mother? Some candidates say, "No. I am principled, and ANY abortion is against my principle."

That might be a great strategy, politically. I don't know their constituents, and I don't know their supporters.

Here is what I do know: 

Todd Akin - Privileged White Neanderthal

A person who seeks an abortion is not happy about being pregnant. Their pregnancy might be unwanted because of the violence and trauma of being raped, or because they can not deliver a child while staying healthy themselves. Maybe they cannot financially support a child, or they do not have the support they would need to raise a child.

A person who seeks an abortion is suffering, and the cornerstone of suffering is isolation.

So when I hear a privileged, white, male neanderthal who has never known isolation talk shit about pregnant women, I change my vote.

This is not a Christian issue. The Gospels say that Jesus was isolated, suffered, and stood with the isolated and the suffering. Jesus healed  their physical ailment and their isolation. Jesus was not president of the rotary club, and his family was not well-connected. Frankly, the Gospels do not show a Jesus who taught us doctrine; Jesus DID things to relieve suffering.

To follow Jesus a Christian must feed the hungry, heal the suffering, or at the very least connect with the isolated. Christians must stand on the side of pregnant women.

This is a Government issue. You might say that it is not the government's role to relieve suffering, that relief in the form of healthcare, medicine, food, and education are better served by local communities of neighbors. As a white male with financial security, I am attracted to lower taxes and smaller government. But that doesn't mean I want to elect an ass.

Compassion is the benchmark of leadership. The President must be able to stand on the side of the suffering and isolated, even if it is a gesture without government support.  And I believe that Obama, the candidate who has experienced isolation, is a more compassionate leader than Romney, who has been privileged and included from birth, and who's platform is based on raw economics.

My version of American Exceptionalism is to hope that we, as a country, can take care of each other. I believe that we are better than Denmark, and they somehow manage to take care of everyone. What's more, I believe that America can stand next to people who suffer worldwide. I believe that our flag is a symbol of hope for people who feel alone, scared, and hungry. Some call that soft power: it would make us more powerful, would protect our interests, and reduce global conflict.

Romney works hard to look really smart, like he has the answers to our problems.  Experts disagree about the solutions to our various problems, and whoever is elected will have a panel of them to figure out the answers to these problems and new problems.

All the answers do not replace compassion. Please do not support someone who has nothing in common with you, and is not interested in your isolation and your suffering.

Sunday Prayer

Engraved on a bronze plaque and mounted inside the lower level of the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty is a poem called "The New Colossus", written by Emma Lazarus in 1883.

Liberty Enlightening the World is a symbol of the great city, and of our country. I think of it when I imagine America, and American Exceptionalism. I think of the meaning and importance of the statue - to comfort and inspire those who feel lost, suffering, and isolated - is relevant to our news cycle and our election cycle.

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

Please Don't Make Me a Marxist

A picture of people not thinking about their paychecks.

I've gotten a lot of feedback from my last post about the monetary and human impact of Sandy (as seen through the lens of Katrina).

Here's the takeaway - don't turn people and lives into money. period.

I think this is the big lesson of the interviews so far, too. People want to be respected as people: three-dimensional, with their whole own context and experiences and relationships and value. In fact, I'm just about ready to call those the watchwords of the new millennial faith story.

But I've received emails from a few readers that remind me that money IS the problem. How much will uninsured losses cost? Will we go bankrupt? Will we need to sell the house and move? How can I get to work, or is there work to get to? How will I buy food to feed my family?

Catastrophe or not, everyone worries about money. Money is how we do things, how we live day to day, how we participate in community. Those who are lucky to roll in high circles know that their community is very expensive.  

We are afraid of loosing money because poverty seems to equal isolation. I get that.

But even then, I argue that the real fear, the source of money anxiety, is loss of freedom and loss of relationships. Neither of these are handcuffed to money, both are found free.
 
So again, we relate to our neighbors when they struggle - be they in ritzy Manhattan or working-class Staten Island. Do not let people in your network suffer isolation and fear.